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Excerpts From Flipper

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KEEP IT CLEAN

    HANK She thinks I’m going to be great! It’s like she’s my number one fan. At least that’s what I think the daughter told me. It’s really hard to hear in the shower. You know, with all that water pouring down on her, I couldn’t help but think of that scene in the film version of The Miracle Worker. Anne Bancroft, playing Patty Duke’s tutor, wrestles her under a pump and water comes splashing down on her hand,…

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Archives Excerpts From Flipper

WEDDING KNIGHT OF THE GARTER

MORT The hall was almost empty at that point. Those present were mostly drunk, including the ring bearer, who caught your bouquet, by the way. I was just trying to hurry things along. And I thought the sight of me removing your garter would convince the groom that it was time to wrap it up. LOU Why did you take so long? MORT I’m not very good with my hands. Plus you don’t want to hurry such things. Especially when…

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Archives Excerpts From Flipper

OVER YOUR DEAD BODIES

HANK I’ve been a Mortimer. In Arsenic and Old Lace, the romantic lead is a Mortimer. Cary Grant played him in the film version. It’s about these two little old ladies that are poisoning homeless guys and stuffing their bodies temporarily in their window seat. Mortimer, their nephew, is horrified to discover this. So we are rehearsing this play and these two old babes just aren’t into it. So I thought if we added some realistic details it might help.…

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