Linguistic experts at Trump University have unearthed and retranslated the oldest versions of the famous Grimm’s Fairy Tales, shedding new light on the social conditions of the Dark Ages. Take for example, one of the most famous tales, now retranslated as “Little Red Robin Hood”.
Little Red Robin Hood was bob bob bobbing through the forest when she was approached by a Big Bad Wolf.
“Where are you going?” asked the wolf.
“Over the river and through the woods to Grandmothers Shoe I go”, said Little Red Robin Hood. “The poor woman is on the verge of starvation, so I am bringing her some food in my basket.”
“Did she not save enough money for her old age?”
‘She never worked outside of the Shoe. And she had so many children she didn’t know what to do!
“She shouldn’t have had so many children!”
“They cut funding to Planned Parenthood!”
“Good!” replied the Wolf, who could be very religious.
“Anyway, she has no Pension, no Savings, and they want to get rid of her Healthcare.”
“Do you realize how much that stuff costs?” returned the Wolf “Taxes would skyrocket. Someone like yourself might not even notice it, but believe me, someone like myself, who made a fortune in the market certainly would!”
“Oh, you must be the Wolf Of Wall Street!”
“At your service.”
“Granny saw you on “Wolf and Friends,” She’s a big fan! She would love an autograph!”
So where is your Granny now?”
“At the Shoe. All she does is lie in bed and watch Wolf News 24/7! I think these dark woods depress her”.”
“No worries. We will soon be cutting all the trees down. C U Later” said the Big Bad Wolf. “What is your name again?”
“Little Red Robin Hood!”
“Do you have any ID?”
Granny was thrilled to see the Wolf.
“Please excuse my humble hovel. When it comes to décor, I guess I don’t have the best taste in the world. What time is it, Mr. Wolf? I have no idea what’s keeping my granddaughter, do you?”
Actually The Big Bad Wolf knew that Little Red Robin Hood was incarcerated in a tent somewhere, wearing pink underwear. He had turned her over to the Sheriff of Nottingham. Red didn’t mind so much. She loved camping and she thought the underwear kind of matched her cloak. Still, she just wished they hadn’t confiscated her basket. Poor Granny.
Meanwhile back at the hovel:
“I love the way you kibitz with those lambs on “Wolf and Friends.”
“Actually, those lambs are wolves in sheep’s clothing.”
“That saddens me. You know, I get so depressed. Sometimes I wish I were dead”.
So the Wolf ate her.
As a religious being, he regretted that he had taken part in an assisted suicide On the other hand he realized Granny was being too modest..
She had a real good taste.
