How to Improve a Port Paradise


BEAR WITH ME by Patrick Harding
How do we improve a Port Paradise?

Remember back in the day when you had that motorcycle and the line of babes waiting for a ride formed on the right? Neither do we, but how can we even fantasize about it, when we worry about exceeding 20 kph on our bike? But fear not, skateboarding is going to bring our Mojo back!

We may think this is impossible, but know that there are over 750,00 skaters over thirty-five in North America. Manufacturers have made some accommodations for us. Our boards are a foot-and-a-half longer with softer wheels for cruising. So this is doable!

While it is true that many of us have problems getting in and out of our bathtub, what better way would there be to improve our balance and overall mobility? After a few hours of crouching over our board, walking in a straight line is a cinch! And do we have to mention the fitness benefits?

Most of us freedom-lovers will be skating without pads or helmets. Rebel bikers like Marlon Brando in “The Wild Ones” will be left in the dust! In fact he may be dust right now. And those dudes in “Easy Rider”? We got it all over those poor saps! And why shouldn’t we? Didn’t we grow up with Jan and Dean and their “Sidewalk Surfing”?

But now we just surf sidewalk sales. That’s why our grandkids think that people our age are life-long conformists exhausted by the rat race, who basically came here to lick our psychic wounds. But that perception is going to change pronto when they witness us performing a board-rail grab invert at Mackies Even if we remind the cop in the cruiser of his grandparent, he’s still gonna arrest us after we give him the finger. Then the grandkids will see us for the badasses we really are!

That is why we need to keep our Skateboard Park right where it is.. Of course it may be that Council allows a new Fire Station to be built there instead. But suppose they do? So what? We will just perform our backside air in the dead of night wearing a miner’s helmet, in abandoned swimming pools.
Just don’t forget to drain them first!

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