Right on the Berm. Why? The prison business in North America is booming! Thankfully the Harper government has done a great job of being tough on crime, but our 41,000 inmates rank just 46th out of 222 countries. We should aim to be even tougher, be number one, like south of the border where 2,217,000 are imprisoned. This is why Americans feel so much safer. Our new prison will be one step in that direction.
Our prison population is not lower because we are good people, but because Canadian law enforcement is so inefficient. We do a really good job with visible minorities. Twenty-five per cent of federal penitentiary populations are aboriginals. But they only make up four per cent of our population. Are aboriginals bad people? Of course not. It’s just that our tough justice system has a tough time seeing invisible minorities because justice is blind.
We may be appalled to learn that inmates will get a steady diet of perch and fries while in our Big House. That will change as these malefactors drop like flies from hardening of the arteries, thus saving we taxpayers, who have never broken the law in our lives, the $110,000 a year it costs to house male prisoners. It’s twice that for women. Shouldn’t we be helping them escape?
On average, twenty per cent of them would be over 50, so any of these oldsters who go over the wall will immediately realize that the drop was more than he thought, and that he has landed on his bum knee. Our fugitive limps to the nearest karaoke bar where he attracts a lonely widow woman while performing “I Shall Be Released”.
Some women have a thing for prisoners, if you know what we mean, and write them letters complete with shots of themselves in sexy lingerie. They have a specific plan of rehab in mind, if you still know what we mean. The average Canadian prisoner has a grade 8 education. He doesn’t know what we mean.
Plus eighty per cent of imprisoned Canucks have substance abuse problems, and half have mental health issues. Our widow just thinks her melodious boy toy is fond of stripes and needs a warm bath for two. Through the love of a good women, can he become a changed man?
And for you non-widows out there:
Could he be an upgrade?