How to Improve a Port Paradise

Build Port University

We might wonder why this is necessary.   But isn’t the point of a university education to make us better persons, not to train us for some job that turns out to be obsolete by graduation?  But you didn’t graduate anyway because of that prank you played in the Girls Dorm that got you expelled so you had to go into sales, make a million bucks and retire to Port.

But maybe you aren’t as good a person as you could be and  maybe a university degree is what the new, improved, and more mature you desperately needs.  And because you are a millionaire, you could be the President.  Not the President of PU.  You need a more powerful and influential position.  We’re talking President of the PU Booster Club!

Getting kids from out of town to come here in the off season could be a problem.  PU could obviously brand itself as a party school. That works for Western, but high school grads are used to an educational experience that values athletics over everything else.  So PU has to excel in sports!  Like our national sport.
But Port isn’t likely to contain top shelf athletes unless you count skateboarding .  Sure, on the nineteenth hole we come across guys, who claim they could score on Johnny Bower. Of course they could.  Johnny Bower is 90 years old.
So how would we recruit a competitive hockey team?  As Booster Club President, that is your challenge.  Luckily, it’s a fact that a lot of younger men are attracted to older women, if you know what we mean.  We just ask our PU Cougar Spirit Team to head to London and “persuade” all the London Knights to enroll at PU, if you still know what we mean..  Each would be assigned to a certain player, carry his books, etc.

It would be simple to transform the activities here into university courses, so that players could graduate with a degree in like, fishing.  They wouldn’t have to attend class and we would be paying them under the table, so they should find the adjustment to PU seamless.
As Booster Club President you would act as the agent for these kids in the NHL draft.  The revenue from your cut would finance the entire school!
Go Fighting Perch!!

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