Compulsory dog ownership

This may be going too far. There are already plenty of compulsory things here, like complaining about our water rates, taxes, and the way everyone else drives.
But if everyone owned a dog, we would hear much less complaining.  Why?  Because we would be complaining to our dogs and not to Council.  In fact we are better off complaining to our dog than to Council.  OK, you still get the same confused look, but at least the dog maintains eye contact.  So dogs are the perfect therapists.  Not that any of us are crazy.

Plus the dog will provide instant security, like, protect us from punks who steal our boat from right under our noses, steer it out to the breakwater, and burn it, with the cops nowhere in sight.  However, keep in mind that, like kids, dogs can be bought off with cookies.  And try not to get too sentimental about your animal companions. Remember, these butt-sniffers can play Hump the Guest at the drop of a hat.  Then one of the two must be put down.  Your choice.

While it is true that dogs have been known to shed and create extra work for us, they also save us time.  For example, a conscientious dog will do an extensive  and detailed pre-wash on dirty dishes immediately before we turn on the dishwasher.  In fact, many households skip the dishwasher cycles completely, and just put them back on the shelves after Fido finally finishes his chore. Again, your choice.

No doubt you have been thinking about poop.  Dog poop.  Maybe feeling envious about the ease in which they do their jobs, compared to, say, us.  Yes, there would be a lot more to scoop up in a plastic bag, and put it in a landfill until the bag degrades a thousand years from now, just in time to celebrate the completion of our waterfront.

Yet isn’t it better to let sleeping dog poop lie?  That way we don’t flood landfills, and it fertilizes the beautiful grounds here.  Buddhists say that we should focus on the moment and be mindful every second.  Wouldn’t walking through a beach of dog poop accomplish that?

But make one miscue in this minefield, and you are in deep doo-doo!