In this time of social isolation togetherness, familiarity not only breeds contempt, but can lead to brutal acts of violence from even the most mild mannered.
Take the case of Reference Librarian Lesley and his wife Charity, a Kindergarten teacher. They originally found each other at a petting zoo. Yet they too became animals under the pressure of weeks of constant contact. Then the former love of her life won a close game of Scrabble by playing “XI”, the fourteenth letter of the Greek alphabet.
She disputed the word. He told her she could “shove it”.
When he regained consciousness he found himself lying face down on a gurney while the family doctor retrieved the tiles “X” and “I” from his rear cavity. His wife had followed his instructions to the letter, so to speak.
Bea, an ordained United Church minister, felt sorry for her partner Sonny, a boxing fan with no live pugilism to watch, So telling herself that she could learn a lot about boxing, she agreed to binge the entire Rocky series with Sonny in his Man Cave. But after ten hours of exposure to Sylvester Stallone, she reached the breaking point.
To blow off some steam, she challenged Sonny to a “friendly” sparring contest, right there and then.
Bea stung her Honey with a crisp right hook to the jaw, much like Rocky had dispatched Ivan Drago in Rocky !V, the film she had just studied. When he regained consciousness she was still waiting there for him, floating like a butterfly while watching Masterpiece Theater.
After six weeks of togetherness, Hope, a cognitive therapist, realized she and Max, her wealthy chiropractor husband of twenty years, needed a drastic relationship adjustment. She was Maxed out. She hoped to avoid axing Max by convincing him that the government wanted them to stay six feet apart. No dice. She then suggested separate road trips. She would take his neglected Porsche through the Carwash for once, while he took her vehicle for a fill up.
“Me? Take your stupid, stupid, little car? You must be kidding”.
In Hope’s practice she had learned that the tiniest things can make one snap when oddly matched couples are cooped up together. Fortunately no axe was available.
When the EMS arrived her former sweetheart was propped against her car, struggling to give himself an adjustment. At the same time Hope was adjusting the Porsche’s front seat prior to her ultimate disappearance. In the process, she reflected that Max underestimated her and her “stupid, stupid little car”.
Actually, it was a Smart Car.
After a month of isolation, Delia, a hair stylist of a certain age, observed that her present coiffure contained more roots than all of ancestry.com. Realizing the folly of do-it-yourself, she commissioned her husband, Sam, a landscaper, to excise those white hairs. In their forced togetherness it wasn’t the first time she had ordered Sam to “cut it out!”. Just like when they first met in high school, he was failing his chemistry test.
Consulting her mirror, Delia realized that there was something about the result that was oh so familiar. Suddenly she uttered a cry and rushed to their picture window. Sure enough, her new trim was modeled on the bonsai in their front yard, courtesy of her landscaper hubby.
Police have not found the bloody scissors nor Sam’s body. The bonsai has grown immensely. Delia waters it every day.