How to Improve a Port Paradise

Turn Port into a Religious Community

Think of this as a kind of co-ed monastery.  Aren’t we all religious anyway, constantly helping each other out?  Don’t we pray a lot, especially when lottery numbers are drawn?  We would just have to accept three minor changes.
First we would have to take on a vow of poverty.  This entails clearing out our bank accounts and putting all our money in the Community Chest for those who could really use it. We may object, but who said “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me.”?  Hint:  It wasn’t Karl Marx.  We may not believe it, but do we want to call Matthew a liar?  He’s a Saint, for Pete’s sake.

Our religious community would also insist on a vow of silence.  This could turn into a big plus, even for single people.  For the rest of us, we wouldn’t have to scream at our spouse.  Basic hand gestures would work, like the kind we use in traffic.  Silence might improve Council meetings, or at least encourage some to  learn the equivalent of “jerk” and “idiot” in American Sign Language.

We could still have TV, if captioned.  It would mean the end of talk radio here, but potential callers could still listen to the voices in their head.  But no rap music.  No music at all, but you know when we get that song in our brains and we can’t seem to stop it from playing over and over?  Now we would look forward to that.  Of course birds would be exempt from this vow.

But then there’s the vow of chastity.  This may seem like a tough one.  But couldn’t we still have cuddling?  And what about first base?  Couldn’t we get to that?  Then maybe we could steal second when nobody’s looking.  We might get to third on a partner’s choice.  The inside-the-park home run could be problematic, but how many of us would attempt that?

Anyway, we would work off any frustrations by toiling in the fields, growing all our  own food, and becoming self sufficient.  We could even grow our own grapes  and serve our own wine with fried fish at our communal meals at the Arena.
Just don’t drink the Kool-Aid!

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