How to Improve a Port Paradise

Turn Port into a Socialist Utopia

OK, we know that socialism has a bad name.   But what is the difference between capitalism and socialism anyway?  Well, suppose you and your friend are wandering around in the heat of summer and you stagger into a delightfully cool place that serves icy beverages by gorgeous wait staff of the opposite sex.  Then we notice that these wait persons aren’t completely dressed.  We have staggered into a den of iniquity!

But it is so hot outside and so pleasant inside!  We have inherited a ton of money but our friend has none.  Under the capitalist system, that is too bad for our friend.  He will have to wait outside in the heat until he drops dead of dehydration.

Meanwhile inside Club Capitale, lap dancers are competing for our tips.  The best, boldest, and most competitive dancers are going to prosper. What won’t they do for a buck?  But because they are operating on pure commission, the shy dancers who teach Sunday School are going to wind up outside next to our friend. It’s all about survival of the fittest.

But wait a minute!  Our friend and the Sunday school teacher have crawled across the road to Club Sociale!  All the patrons there put their dough into one big pot, so everybody gets an equal number of lap dances. Our Sunday school teacher gets hired and an equal share of the profits, though she dances like a swan on snowshoes.  Like we say to our kids, “Just do your best.”

But the intrusive Club Sociale bureaucracy forces her to be tested regularly, and our buddy too.  And it restricts the amount of hours she can dance so everybody gets a chance, like in T-ball.  Plus they steal from their paycheck for pension, health care, and car insurance.

Meanwhile at Club Capitale, dancers blow their savings on amphetamines to keep them going, and when they burn out, they have to teach tap to toddlers forever.  Now which club would you prefer?
Club Capitale of course!  If you wanted to see Sunday school dancing, you would have stayed at home!

So whose idea was this anyway?

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